LIMERICKS
There was a young lady of Twickenham
Whose shoes were too tight to walk quick in ‘em; She came back from her walk Looking white as a chalk And took ‘em both off and was sick in ‘em. A sleeper from the Amazon Put nighties of his gramazon. The reason? That He was too fat To get his own pajamazon. Linda Blair with great favour confessed, She'd been exorcised, thus finding rest, But alack and alas Her old demon came back and now the poor girl's repossessed. There was a young girl from Rabat, who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat; It was fun in the breeding, But hell in the feeding, When she found she had no tit for Tat. (Contributed by Terry Walsh) A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee Wished to wed a woman named Phoebe. "But," he said, "I must see What the clerical fee Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee A maiden at college, Miss Breeze, Weighed down by B.A.s and Lit.D's, Collapsed from the strain, Said her doctor, "It's plain You are killing yourself --- by degrees!" A canner, exceedingly canny, One morning remarked to his granny, "A canner can can Anything that he can; But a canner can't can a can, can he?" There was a dear lady of Eden, Who on apples was quite fond of feedin'; She gave one to Adam, Who said, "Thank you, Madam," And then both skedaddled from Eden. Here lies a young salesman named Phipps, Who married on one of his trips, A widow named Block, Then died of the shock, When he saw there were six little chips. |
An exceedingly fat friend of mine,
When asked at what hour he'd dine, Replied, "At eleven, At three, five, and seven, And eight and a quarter past nine. A macho young swimmer named Dwyer, Really liked playing with fire. One night in the dark He swam with a shark, And his voice is now two octaves higher. There was a young lady named Kite Whose speed was much faster than light. She left home one day In a relative way And returned on the previous night. There was an Old Man with a beard, Who said, 'It is just as I feared! Two Owls and a Hen, Four Larks and a Wren, Have all built their nests in my beard!' A canny young fisher named Fisher Once fished from the edge of a fissure. A fish with a grin Pulled the fisherman in --- Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher. A tutor who tooted a flute Tried to teach two young tooters to toot. Said the two to the tutor, "Is it harder to toot, or.." "To tutor two tutors to toot?" There was a young lady of Kent, Whose nose was most awfully bent. She followed her nose One day, I suppose -- And no one knows which way she went. There was a young lady from Niger, Who smiled as she rode on a tiger. They came back from the ride With the lady inside, And the smile on the face of the tiger. I'd rather have Fingers than Toes; I'd rather have Ears than a Nose; And as for my Hair, I'm glad it's all there: I'll be awfully said, when it goes. |